You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
