New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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