I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
