As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
