In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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