well you can't waste a boner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
