my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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