Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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