You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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