I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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