her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
