you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
