if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
