The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
