Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
