Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
