idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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