why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
