Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
