So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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