Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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