Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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