I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
