Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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