I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
