He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
