Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
