Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm too high and old for this...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
