i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
