She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
