I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Boobs speak an international language.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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