I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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