also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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