'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
