Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Panties = found
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
