Your face is a jimmy john
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
