Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
