my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you would pick up someone in the library
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
