Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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