i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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