Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My liver just broke up with me...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
