I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
