I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My dick has a subreddit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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