my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
