I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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