goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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