I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
