I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
