I'm so fucking centered right now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
