Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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