i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
