There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
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This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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