some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good