Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
