Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I lost the right to judge tonight