I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
