I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
