Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.