i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.