I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
