halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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