I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
