you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
