I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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