i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
