based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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