you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
