escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
