y did u give ur computer a hand job?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
