I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
