bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
