I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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