just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
