It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I deserve this hangover.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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