i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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