i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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