I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
