is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
