Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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