just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
