I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
