I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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