Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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