I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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